dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
