He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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