Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
