The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
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