We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
