the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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