Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
