haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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