I wish I could teleport
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
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