I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
