I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
If I die, sorry about rent.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
