You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
