After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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