if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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