Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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