i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
