I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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