he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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