Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
