i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
