And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
