weddingsv make me drug and hornr
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
