I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
