i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
