When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
third nipple confirmed
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
