I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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