so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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