Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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