its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
