Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize