We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
