Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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