If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
and she was petting her beer can
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
