Where are you?
In a non slutty way
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
