I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
