Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
