she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
