During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
