Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
