I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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