I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
