Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm too high and old for this...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
