just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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