Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize