Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
