Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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