So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize