I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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