I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
