Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
