What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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