Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
