You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
