so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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