Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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