I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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