AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
