My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Alive.
So much puke
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize