K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
