They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
