You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
