So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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