I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
