he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
