you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
