This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
