Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
