so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
