So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
