im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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