I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
