Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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