Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
