So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
