I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
