My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
