My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
