you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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