we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm at about main and main street
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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