Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
