Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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