hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
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