You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
