i think my mom watched the whole time
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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