just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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