where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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