she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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