I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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