I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
