I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
