no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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