a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
