drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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