My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
