I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
